Born that way?

By Chuck Darrell

“Born” a homosexual is no excuse for the legalization of gay marriage. I say this because when it comes to sex, most men agree being born any certain way doesn’t mean you should act as such. And God help us should the male sex drive be allowed to further stalk the definition of marriage.

Several years ago a married man in our small church left his wife and two sons to join the gay “lifestyle.” Later at a men’s retreat we grappled with why a man would abandon his family for another man. Some argued he was born that way. Others claimed he made a personal choice. However to some, the distinction seemed irrelevant.

The men in our group knew each other well and spoke candidly. However, when someone asked if anyone had looked at another woman with lust the room was silent. After a brief pause all the men confessed to the affirmative. He then asked if they had lusted over a woman in our church and, reluctantly, all pleaded guilty. Rhetorically, he suspected we had looked at one another’s wives as well. But before anyone could answer he said, “Well then it seems like we were all born that way? I guess we should be able to sleep with anyone we want?”

Most men, even Christian men, will admit they have experienced sexual desires outside the bond of marriage. Let’s face it, without men, pornography and prostitution would probably cease to exist. So if we are “born that way,” why don’t we do it?

Certainly, there are multiple reasons for containing our sexuality within the union of one man and one woman. However the men in our small group concluded that the overriding reason was because, as Christians, we acknowledge we are born sinners. As such we know that we can’t always trust our inherent nature and are commanded to restrain our lusts.

So how does this relate to same-sex marriage?

Although most Christian men understand they are born sinners, they are confused – and afraid – to apply their inherent sin to the same sex marriage debate. Our silence has allowed His Image to be swapped for the surrogate “I was born that way” as the measure of acceptable sexual behavior.

We are ignoring a humble, yet powerful testimony that acknowledges sin and our dependence upon Him who died for us. By admitting that we lust, we become less judgmental and more empathetic. Declaring our dependence upon Him makes us humble. Speaking humbly, we are more like Him. Being more like Him allows us to testify to the truth, with love. And the truth is just because you’re “born that way” doesn’t mean you have the excuse to do it.

In our weakness we become strong.

There are tragic consequences when Christian men are silent about their sinful nature. According to F. Earle Fox, in “Restoring Sexual Sanity,” “With no relation to the Living God, there is nothing in the world to tell anyone otherwise – neither by moral standard nor by the Image of God in which we are made, male and female.”

A quick glance at trends within the homosexual community draws a clear picture of what can happen when Christian men don’t speak out in power.

According to Fox, a study in the New England Journal of Medicine indicates that the average homosexual male averages nearly 100 sexual partners each year. In one of the largest studies on homosexual behavior, “The Gay Report,” homosexual researchers Karla Jay and Allen Young reported that around 99% of homosexual males engage in oral sex; 91% engage in anal sex and 82% engage in "rimming" to name just a few.

Legalizing gay marriage will change the definition of “two individuals in a committed relationship” as well. According to Glen Stanton in “Marriage on Trial,” “Recent research from a major British medical journal on male same-sex relationships in the Netherlands indicates gay men have a very difficult time living by the values of marriage. This study found that, on average, steady homosexual relationships in the city of Amsterdam last only 1.5 years. The study also found that gay men in steady relationships there have an average of eight partners a year outside of their current relationships.”

Sometimes there is little difference between sin and being born that way. We need to counter, “born that way” with “born a sinner.” Only when Christian men are transparent and confess the sin in their own lives can they authentically testify against the lie that says our sinful nature should be affirmed. Frankly men, if we don’t, then who will?